The results have been posted for my race: 58th out of 313. Say, sailor, not too bad! I also finish sex faster than most, so no big shocker there.

Okay, so let's suppose that your cellular carrier starts pestering you about getting a new memory card. So you go in, they fumble around for one, and insert a card that was sitting in some random drawer. K?

So now you scroll through your numbers and discover that, along with your old information, there are about 150 new phone numbers included, presumably left behind by the prior owner. Got it?

So you decide to go through the tedious task of deleting each and every number individually. You put it off. For days. Then, finally, you bear down and ready your thumbs.

You are following me, yes?

You delete numbers for "Baja Fresh" and "Apple" and "Dana" and "Dave" and such. Then you get to "F"...

...and you get a list 20 deep of "FBI AGENT - FRANK....FBI AGENT - GARY..."

So you go, "Holy fuckingcrap whatthe fuckis this?!?!"

You scroll down further and unearth "LAPD - OFCR FRANKLIN...LAPD - OFCR NELSON..." and about 20 others.

You think it can't get weirder. But it can.

You scroll further down and discover, "MIA FARROW". You continue to scroll down and see the name, "JOE PESCI".

Pop quiz: Guess what 2 numbers were not deleted from your phone?