Below are posts that I'd handwritten while on the road in Texas, North Carolina, and Oklahoma shooting a bullriding special for CMT and drowning my sorrows in whatever moonshine someone would hand to me...
2/16
Dara told me last night after I arrived in Houston that Duncan will probably need to have his leg amputated, more than likely while I'm still out of town.
I had a dream last night that aliens were going to destroy Earth but would take with them and spare anyone who believed that thye were going to do it. A handful of people and I went, but Dara didn't believe and stayed behind.
I went to the planet completely torn apart, but one of the aliens told me that I had until Friday to convince her (it was Wednesday). I went back to Earth and was able to coerce Dara, however, we didn't know if the cats would survive but said fuck it and took them anyway.
This is a thoroughly depressing beat in the story of our lives. We are both so crazy about the little fat guy: I will not let him succumb to the cancer without a fight.
2/20
A dream last night, less vivid than the above, but equally as symbolic: Dara was distraught, although not over Duncan, but our marriage. I hadn't been enough to her, wasn't as available as she needed, and in many ways, fell short as a life partner. She wanted a divorce and I was utterly out of control of the situation; I had no say.
I awoke and coasted back to sleep eventually. The specifics of those dreams upon returning to sleep evade me, but I remember that they rectified the previous horrific dream, and all was okay once again.
Duncan's impending operation has me on edge. In stillness, it steals into my mind, only to torment me. It's such a disruption to our normal pattern of life, which, BTW, IS life, but boy-o-boy, doesn't it suck.
2/22
Dreams have been so vivid as of late - last night, (pal of the past 2 years) David Leamy and I were to attend high school together. As we registerd for classes at Proviso West, he discovered that he was to attend St. Joseph's High down the road and play on their basketball team (note: Leamy loves basketball). We were disappointed but thrilled that we got to meet earlier in our lives and become friends.
Also: A dream about a lovely young lady whom I have worked with - AND who shall remain nameless - really really really wanted to kiss, but knew that we shouldn't. I awoke and sexual frustration ensued.
I'm on an American flight home at the moment. Apparently the storms in LA have the place paralyzed, so I assume our landing will be eventful.The clouds out my window and below us are thick and grey, looming and threatening, which for bad-flyer-boy here is gut-wrenching. Huzzah for vodka tonics!!
Maybe tonight we pick up Duncan. I'm so anxious/terrified to see him. 3 legs? But if the cancer never returns and we get a couple of extra years with him (fingers crossed), I'll take a tri-poded little fat fella any day.
I miss all 3 of my loved ones. Sometimes I get misty at the mere thought of them while I'm away. I know, I know. PUSSY.
2/16
Dara told me last night after I arrived in Houston that Duncan will probably need to have his leg amputated, more than likely while I'm still out of town.
I had a dream last night that aliens were going to destroy Earth but would take with them and spare anyone who believed that thye were going to do it. A handful of people and I went, but Dara didn't believe and stayed behind.
I went to the planet completely torn apart, but one of the aliens told me that I had until Friday to convince her (it was Wednesday). I went back to Earth and was able to coerce Dara, however, we didn't know if the cats would survive but said fuck it and took them anyway.
This is a thoroughly depressing beat in the story of our lives. We are both so crazy about the little fat guy: I will not let him succumb to the cancer without a fight.
2/20
A dream last night, less vivid than the above, but equally as symbolic: Dara was distraught, although not over Duncan, but our marriage. I hadn't been enough to her, wasn't as available as she needed, and in many ways, fell short as a life partner. She wanted a divorce and I was utterly out of control of the situation; I had no say.
I awoke and coasted back to sleep eventually. The specifics of those dreams upon returning to sleep evade me, but I remember that they rectified the previous horrific dream, and all was okay once again.
Duncan's impending operation has me on edge. In stillness, it steals into my mind, only to torment me. It's such a disruption to our normal pattern of life, which, BTW, IS life, but boy-o-boy, doesn't it suck.
2/22
Dreams have been so vivid as of late - last night, (pal of the past 2 years) David Leamy and I were to attend high school together. As we registerd for classes at Proviso West, he discovered that he was to attend St. Joseph's High down the road and play on their basketball team (note: Leamy loves basketball). We were disappointed but thrilled that we got to meet earlier in our lives and become friends.
Also: A dream about a lovely young lady whom I have worked with - AND who shall remain nameless - really really really wanted to kiss, but knew that we shouldn't. I awoke and sexual frustration ensued.
I'm on an American flight home at the moment. Apparently the storms in LA have the place paralyzed, so I assume our landing will be eventful.The clouds out my window and below us are thick and grey, looming and threatening, which for bad-flyer-boy here is gut-wrenching. Huzzah for vodka tonics!!
Maybe tonight we pick up Duncan. I'm so anxious/terrified to see him. 3 legs? But if the cancer never returns and we get a couple of extra years with him (fingers crossed), I'll take a tri-poded little fat fella any day.
I miss all 3 of my loved ones. Sometimes I get misty at the mere thought of them while I'm away. I know, I know. PUSSY.
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