I'm hoping, honestly, that people by now have gotten over watching televised poker. Have they? Not having cable or satellite or digital, I can't say that I know for certain, but watching people play cards? Are you SURE it's something to enjoy?

I'm fairly open-minded about entertainment. I can forgive those who state, "It's a guilty pleasure, but I love reality shows" or guys/gals who plant themselves in front of the tube all day on Sundays to watch the matchups between multi-millionaire genetic-freak retards who bash into each other chasing a ball up and down a field.

But CARDS? I restate: ARE YOU SURE?

I have tried to watch televised Texas Hold 'em, believe you me, and I can say, without a doubt, if I could have flipped the channel to the Paint Drying network, I would have. Shit, if someone had been painting their house up the street, I would have gone to watch a couple of layers dry, live, in the heat of the action.

Commentator: "Well, it looks as though he's going to brush paint this layer of primer...yes, YES, he's GOING FOR IT!!!"

Playing cards is fun for one of two reasons ONLY:

A. You're good at playing and stand to walk away with some $

B. You want to get pissed with some friends and get away from your nagging spouse

Watching cards televised on ESPN is fun for one of two reasons:

A. You are unemployed and cannot afford a deck of your own cards

B. You aren't capable of maintaining friendships, therefore you have no one to play with