This has potential to be incredibly confusing, so allow me to think a moment.

(pause)

Ahem.

So, my friend Wil Wheatonhas a blog, and a pretty popular one at that. Wil and my wife, Dara did a sketch comedy show at the Acme Comedy Theater a few years ago, and we've all maintained a friendship, well, when life doesn't get in the way.

So Wil just closed another show this past week at Acme, and wound up getting into a bet that involved a game of rochambeaux with another cast member, named Annie. the bet was, if he were to win, that she'd have to do her own blog for one week. Needless to say, the gods were against her, and she lost, forced into the self-indulgent universe of blogging located here , and it is the fucking funniest thing I've read online in awhile, and I've even been to hampsterdance.com.

Twice a day.

For three years running.

If you wanna get ANYWHERE in LA quickly, just hop in your car around 6am, 'cause that's when Dara and I headed out to the Topanga Turkey Trot in Topanga Cyn on Saturday. Seriously, we crawled out of our house, bought 2 coffees, hit the 101 FWY, and before we knew it, we landed in scenic and lovely (just ask the Manson family) Topanga Canyon at sunrise. I'd written this (boring if you could give a crap) race report the night after the race:

So today, my l'il ol' wife and I ran Turkey Trot races: She, a 5k (her 1st trail race), and me, a 15k trail race.

It. Was. A. BLAST.

It was 44 degrees when I started off, and in L.A., that's the 2nd coming of the Ice Age. I think about 200 + runners gathered for the 15k, facing the race director wearing a turkey costume, and off we went.

The intial climb was steep as a MOTHERFARKER, for 1.5 miles. It was really difficult to stick to my "walk the really steep ascents, run the flats and descents" credo as EVERYONE passed me on the trail, but it paid off big time in the end. My first mile? 15 minutes. Yeah, it was steeeeeeep.

Once we hit the crest and began the plateaus, I took off. I've trained many-a-times on this very variety of trails, so I was familiar with what was coming up at each switchback, and I used it to my advantage. The morning sun was so beautiful on the trees below, so I took time to recognize what Momma Nature has blessed us with before I hit the *unbelievable* single track climbs and descents. My quads screamed at me with every monumental turn. A German runner ahead almost fell down a 20 foot ravine as she tried to let me pass. I stopped and made sure she was okay before I (painfully) sprinted ahead. Later, I passed a runner who asked, "What, did Hobitts make this trail?" to which I replied, "Yeah, I think I saw Yoda back there."

Cool winds whipped across our bodies as we trekked along, me, now at mile 5, knowing the downhills were coming soon, my forte. I raced uphill, trying to cut down my time during the last 1/2 (a fellow ultra-runner's credo: "If it's during the 2nd half and it feels good, GO FOR IT!") and passed many-a-runner who passed me 1 hour prior during the uphill battle.

I sprinted down the same uphills that beliguered me earlier in the day, passing more and more runners, turning the final curve and hitting the chutes at 01:33:34, placing 33rd out of, what I believe was, 200 or more runners.

My wife had run the 5k in 49:00, which was amazing since she NEVER runs hills or trails.

One hour later she was off to teach 4 hours of dance, and I was on another trail run of 55 minutes for my prep for the 50k I'm running in January.

The above picure of me is about 20 yards from the finish chutes. I saw Dara with her camera and saluted like a massive dork as she snapped the shot. Her pic is about 15 minutes before her own race at the start, where they had coffee and snacks prepped for us. Yes, afterward, Krispy Kremes awaited all of us.

Last afternoon/waaaaay into the wee hours, we hosted 8 wonderful pals for ye olde annual Thanksgiving-stuff-your-face-and-drink-your-liver-away festivities, and it 'twas a grande hit.

Man, I'm running out of extra "E"s writing this way.

How wonderful it is to get a group of friends and loved ones together to celebrate...this...holiday...thing that Americans celebrate. I ate *just* enough (odd for me these, these day - see prior post), drank far too much (not odd - see any prior post); we board-gamed teh he77 out of 5708 Craner Ave, and discussed the finer points of sticking stuff up the olde chocolate barking spider.

(all true)

Tomorrow morning, Dara and I are running trail races in Topanga Canyon; she, a 5k, me, a 15k. Following that, little D has to teach two classes, and I have another 1 1/2 hour training run for for my January ultra marathon to do. I'm really jazzed about this race, for one major reason: Sharing something with my wife.

I've found that the more we share, the closer and closer we get. I imagine it's difficult when you have kids, careers, mortgages, and the like, to remember to do so, but really, it isn't all that difficult, as long as you constantly are communicating (and away of to yourself) who you are.

After that, it's all a pumpkin pie-walk.

So expect a very tired, boring race report this weekend, which will certainly contain my biatching about something or someone. Or some sound or color.

As you already have heard me go on and on and on and on about, I'm ass-deep in training for my 50k race in January, and I tells ya, I fucking eat all of the time. Last week was a 40 mile week, this week 44 miles, next week is an "off week" (only 36 miles) and then I start hitting 50+/week for a stretch, and I must confess: I'm concerned that the Earth's food supply may not be enough.

Figure this: Your body burns roughly 100 calories per running mile. I'm running 50 miles in a week. Okay, that's simple math, right? 5,000 calories in a week I burn off. But this is the problem: Your body needs 2000-3000 calories in a day to keep fueled. This means I'm burning off 2 days worth of food in a week, and it's showing. I have sudden hunger pangs in really inopportune places, like Home Depot, for one (the hot dog cart guy outside has gotten to know me all too well) and I've taken to carrying a ham around in my pants for food reserves.

Wanna sandwich?

I'm hoping, honestly, that people by now have gotten over watching televised poker. Have they? Not having cable or satellite or digital, I can't say that I know for certain, but watching people play cards? Are you SURE it's something to enjoy?

I'm fairly open-minded about entertainment. I can forgive those who state, "It's a guilty pleasure, but I love reality shows" or guys/gals who plant themselves in front of the tube all day on Sundays to watch the matchups between multi-millionaire genetic-freak retards who bash into each other chasing a ball up and down a field.

But CARDS? I restate: ARE YOU SURE?

I have tried to watch televised Texas Hold 'em, believe you me, and I can say, without a doubt, if I could have flipped the channel to the Paint Drying network, I would have. Shit, if someone had been painting their house up the street, I would have gone to watch a couple of layers dry, live, in the heat of the action.

Commentator: "Well, it looks as though he's going to brush paint this layer of primer...yes, YES, he's GOING FOR IT!!!"

Playing cards is fun for one of two reasons ONLY:

A. You're good at playing and stand to walk away with some $

B. You want to get pissed with some friends and get away from your nagging spouse

Watching cards televised on ESPN is fun for one of two reasons:

A. You are unemployed and cannot afford a deck of your own cards

B. You aren't capable of maintaining friendships, therefore you have no one to play with

2 and 1/2 hour run in the mountains.

3 gin martinis.

I am completely fucked at the moment.

Excuse my shitheadedness, but I am, currently, a shithead. I like being a shithead, which is fortunate for now, but might be annoying later. Fortunately for you, I won't be posting at that hour. More than likely, I'll be suffocating in a puddle of my own spiddle.

I took a Sensory Repattering massage class last week (24 hours worth of edu-ma-cation) which blew my mind, and I've integrated the info into my regular massages. How cool! I'm definitely signing up for more deep, circulatory massge classes, and another energy-based class in the interim.

I'm loaded on crappy gin, so bye now, LOSERS.