Project Beard Update:

mission failed

I broke down the other morning. Go ahead. Call me a pussy. Tell me I have no guts. Remind me that I failed senior year English and still managed to graduate, but I couldn't take it any more: The itchiness. That, and when I looked in the mirror, I felt like giving myself spare change to buy a cup of joe.

Okay, so I decided to give up something even more vitally important until race day: Manscaping. I figure the wind-resistance caused by my superfluous body hair will give me some extra "drag" during training, so that when I strip it away for the race, I'll fly like a hairless cheetah.

And, in closing, I'll relate a conversation my wife, her father, and I had over Christmas while he visited from Nashville. Keep in mind, he is 81 years old, so his hearing isn't all there:

Dara: "Dad, did (relative's name) have a poodle?"

Dad: "Wha?"

Dara: "A poodle? Did (relative's name) own a POODLE?!"

Dad: " 'Google'?"

Dara: "NO - POODLE!? DID SHE HAVE A DOG?"

Dad: (looks at me) "DOS?"

Me: "NO: DOG!"

Dad: "Can Google run on DOS?"

Me: (pants like a dog) "DOG!!!!!!"

Dad: "Wha?"

This went on for about 3 minutes, and I don't believe we ever did get an answer. Although, I'm fairly certain that you cannot run google on DOS.