I haven't made mention of it as of yet, but I am on day 5 without The Sauce.

I'm cutting das booze from my diet for the 2 weeks prior to my ultramarathon , or at least greatly limiting it, and last night was my foray into the world of "non-alcoholic alcohol". The night began with a trip to the corner liquor store and the purchasing of O'Douls Amber. When I asked the clerk behind the counter where the non-alcoholic beer was, a look of confusion crash landed on his face. It was though I walked into a neo-Nazi meeting asking where the bagels and schmear could be located...all the while wearing a prayer shawl.

I toted the 6er home (by the way, don't EVER use the phrase "6er") and popped a cap off the frosty, cool bottle. My first sip was...well, have you ever ordered Hot/Sour soup at a chinese restaurant, only to find that they'd filled the bowl with goat urine and bat guano? It's a very similar vibe.

I sat and surfed the 'net a little, all the while sipping this frothing, malty, concoction pissed straight from Satan's asshole, and eventually got used to the taste. It wasn't really all that bad - although that could have been the .5% booze talking. I guzzled 4 over the next couple of hours, only to discover the same benefits of real beer apply to near-beer: I had to whiz like a mofo, and let's just say the fermentation made a playground of my intestines.

I posed the bottle for it's above yearbook photo alongside the school bullies Gin and Rum. After the pic was snapped, all hell broke loose.